January 17
Tuesday we snorkeled. I think I was bamboozled by local business practices, but we swam with the turtles regardless. We had initially planned to take a boat out to “Turtle Town” — a spot of water enclosed by a crescent moon-shaped island off the southwest coast of Maui. The night before, I got a call that the location was changed due to spotty conditions. As a PADI certified scuba diver, I was a bit skeptical. The weather had been nothing but clear and conditions were ideal across the island. Alas, we arrived the next morning at a beach 15 minutes by Jeep down the road from our resort. We were in company.
There were two other parties in our group. A Bostonian, solo in Maui on his tenth day of vacation, and a couple from Dallas, TX who hadn’t had much water exposure. The other parties on the beach were hobos. Our instructor was on her fourth year in Maui after moving from Austin, TX. Her assistant was a guy about my age from Macon, GA who more or less found himself at the beach that morning purely by happenstance.
All that aside, they put on a good show. We swam with some large sea turtles, saw plenty of fish, and got out of the 72º water after an hour or so — before anyone could get too cold beyond a tingling in the fingers. Still, be wary of booking snorkeling on TripAdvisor, even with 95% of tourists not realizing they have been duped.
The remainder of Tuesday was a pool day. I recommend the Happy Monkey mocktail at the Westin: Coconut cream, banana, ice, Hershey’s chocolate syrup, and a pineapple slice. We grabbed lunch at a plant-based (vegan), zero-waste, lunch/dinner spot called Moku Roots. Despite being in a strip mall like most things in the western side of Maui, this eatery served sit-down restaurant quality food, had great smoothies, and owned their values well. I’d recommend a visit here.
January 18
The following morning, after a lifetime of wondering, I learned that beginner surfing is not all that hard. I had booked with a classic surfer dude 🤙🏽, born and raised on Maui named Tyler. It was a group lesson, but Wednesday at 8:30 am lends itself to private lessons more often than not it seems. After an extremely brief, but effective, overview of surfing, we paddled out across the calm morning waves and got to work. I caught my first, second, and third waves, and generally did pretty well; only bailing when instructed which was before the water got too shallow that I’d be in danger of falling on rocks. Catie took some photos of me, not wanting to jeopardize her running career. I’m happy to report, I’m now a member of the board🏄♂️. The neon-green rash guard is a sign for other surfers to watch out.
Catie whimsically booked a whale watching tour for later that afternoon. We had set our sights high after spotting a breaching whale moments after our feet touched sand on the first day of vacation. The cargo of our whale-watching catamaran was 30 tourists including us, and a crew of 3: the captain, the whale-knowledge-guide, and the bar/snack-tender. I’ve added some of our favorite shots of whales, but whale watching is one of those things that is much more exciting to experience in person. I’ll instead share a lightning round of whale facts:
- Mothers stay with their calf for 2-ish years after birth. Dad’s out of the picture. However, often a stand-in dad, “the escort”, will help out the single mom, hoping to woo the empty nester in due time.
- Humpback whales have a few natural predators. Their deadliest predator is not in fact man. Man brought back from the brink of extinction. There were about 1000 humpback whales in 1970. Today there are over 70,000. It is orcas which prey on the weak, sickly, and old, and sharks which generally prey on the even weaker, sicklier and older.
- Tail slapping and fin slapping, the second most exciting part of whale watching, the first being breaching, are learned behaviors. The mom and escort will teach the baby how to slap its fins and tail on the water. Whales also responded well to positive feedback when they were in high spirits. The cheering of the crowd on the boat loosely correlated with the whales coming closer and continuing showing the boat their show-boating.
- When the mom migrates down to Hawaii, unlike the average tourist, she loses a lot of weight. Her calf is drinking some 70-150 gallons of milk per day, gaining 5 pounds per day. Whale milk is about 60% fat. The mom is living mostly off fat stores that she got from her other home up near Alaska.
- Humpbacks can live well beyond 60 years. They tricky for scientists to track, and the most common way to know how old a whale lived is to look at its earwax rings, similar to tree rings after it is dead to discover how long it lived. The wax follows a similar one ring per year pattern.
Maui isn’t the best place for a conventional run, but somehow we managed later in the day. I got in my longest run since who knows when (at least 5+ years) of 6.7 miles this day. We had to run through resorts, along slick wooden boardwalks, along the roads, through parking lots.
The second restaurant to get an honorable mention is Pacific’o. Stocked by the very same O’o farms we visited earlier in the week, Pacific’o serves a variety of international foods with a Hawaiian twist. Their miso and farm egg twist on Cacio e Pepe may make an Italian jealous. Their beets did not taste like dirt. Their mushroom risotto went far beyond the usual gluten-free cop-out that risotto has become today. The mushrooms achieved the texture of a chicken thigh. Incidentally, a great thing to do for your wallet and longevity is to be vegetarian, and not drink. Those two habits that Catie and I both are lucky enough to prefer sans discipline make a big difference in the monthly budget. I would pick Pacific’o to win it all in the Maui Madness restaurant bracket and recommend a visit if you ever get the chance.
January 19
The final day. We had to get creative checking out at 11am, but not leaving until 9pm tonight. We lunched and another plant-based spot: Earth Aloha Eats Food Truck. It’s right across the street from Moku Roots and is run by a couple of odd guys who make great Mozzarella Sticks. Yet another above average plant based restaurant.
To burn some time, we ended up driving the Road to Hana. The route drives great with daylight, and very poorly without it. We stopped along the way for banana bread, coffee, and a few scenic outlooks. I’d received advice to download offline map data because cell service is zero for most of the route. Unfortunately, Google Maps claims to support the feature but didn’t work properly, and Apple maps hasn’t heard of offline data — though, having the miniature 3D models of notable landmarks and monuments while online is a fair compromise.
While getting banana bread, we met a trusting Minnesotan family with 3 kids. We got around to the fact that Catie and I work for Apple. At which point, the husband says, “Since you work for Apple, I’ve got a question, my wife’s facebook was just hacked…” 🙄. It was painful enough watching the wife claim that her new password was much stronger because even she could barely remember it. I didn’t have it in me to explain that she had been phished, not hacked. After helping this woman at least turn on 2FA, we hightailed it for the second half of the Road to Hana.
I’m getting a bit tired, so I’ll tie it off here. Our flight was delayed two hours, so we pulled over as soon as we had some cell service, some 55 miles and 2 hours from the airport and called Delta. They managed to keep us on hold for 90 minutes. Thus, our last hour on the Road to Hana was well after the sun had set. Luckily with only one near miss on the treacherous mountainside road, we made it to the airport.
We had been looking forward to the “Priority Access Lounge” for some dinner and quiet. The “Priority Access Lounge” is the half-baked perk that comes with the Chase Sapphire Reserve credit card. I had never visited one before, but had something akin to the Delta Sky Club in mind. Major disappointment. I’m a Diamond Medallion when it comes to Hospital Emergency Rooms, and I can say every ER I’ve been to has a better atmosphere than the OGG Airport Priority Access Lounge. We got a bag of pretzels and a cup of water out of the deal.
With that, sitting at the gate at OGG waiting for our flight to Salt Lake City, I bid farewell to Hawai’i. Canoeing and an authentic luau will have to wait for the next trip.